Empathy vs. Sympathy: The Leadership Difference That Drives Results

As a business leader, do your words and actions demonstrate that you really care about the people you lead?

That’s a question that might anger some leaders. After all, it’s unlikely anyone would admit directly that they don’t care. So, perhaps the better question is, “How do you show your people that you care?”

Do you know the challenges your employees face every day? And more importantly, do you empathize with what they’re going through?

That last question—about whether you can empathize with your people—leads us to one of the most overlooked and undervalued competencies in business leadership today.

The ability to connect our own experiences with those of our employees on a foundational level is a huge differentiator for successful leaders. Many business leaders know this and demonstrate a willingness to talk the empathy talk. Unfortunately, far fewer of them can walk the empathy walk.

The Empathy Disconnect

A 2024 global survey by Businessolver, a benefits administration platform, found that a solid majority (55 percent) of respondent CEOs said they try to lead with empathy every day. Unfortunately, only 28 percent of employees and 22 percent of HR professionals felt their leaders demonstrated genuine empathy.

Why the disconnect?

Part of the problem is that, even while acknowledging the importance of empathy, far too many senior leaders see it as a “touchy-feely” soft leadership skill. Leaders with that mindset likely feel they don’t have the skills to make deeper connections with their employees—a tenet of empathy.

Others may simply not understand what empathy is and what it isn’t.

Brene Brown, an academic and author who has spent her career researching the impacts of empathy, has said many leaders simply confuse empathy and sympathy: “The difference between empathy and sympathy: feeling with and feeling for. The empathic response: I get it, I feel with you, and I’ve been there. The sympathetic response: I feel for you.”

When you think about Brown’s definition, you can see how empathy builds bridges with employees, but sympathy can, in some instances, create disconnection.

It’s important for leaders to understand the different reactions that empathy and sympathy can produce because, as current research shows us, the former can be a pathway to success.

Empathy Isn’t a Magic Bullet For Business Success, But It’s Close

There’s no one thing business leaders can do to ensure success. But right up there at the top of the list of “must-dos” is empathy, which researchers believe has a direct line connection to organizational performance.

A 2022 global leadership study by Harvard Business Publishing (HBP) reported that empathy wasn’t only identified as a top business priority; it was also a frequently cited quality in top-performing organizations.

The HBP survey of more than 2,300 senior leaders, people managers, and individual contributors found that empathy was identified as a critical element in the culture of the top seven percent of organizations measured against a series of standard performance metrics.

Why is empathy so important for performance?

Again, research and the experiences of top-performing organizations show that empathy is key to cultivating a series of qualities that top talent craves because it:

• Builds Trust: When leaders show that they genuinely care about their employees' well-being and understand their perspectives, it sparks loyalty that can lower attrition and promote engagement.
• Improves Communication: Empathetic leaders listen actively and respond thoughtfully, which helps resolve conflicts and solve problems more effectively.
• Enhances Collaboration: When team members feel heard and valued, they’re more likely to work together effectively, boosting team performance.
• Builds Morale: Recognizing and addressing the emotional needs of employees can lead to higher job satisfaction and motivation. 
• Drives Change: Leaders who understand the concerns and fears of their team members can navigate through transformations of all kinds more smoothly and gain support for new initiatives. 
• Promotes Inclusivity: By understanding and valuing different perspectives, leaders automatically create a more inclusive work environment where everyone knows their contributions are valued.

With all these potential benefits, you can see why so many organizations value empathy. Still, leaders may not know how to demonstrate their best empathetic selves.

The Subtle Line Between Empathy (Good) and Sympathy (Not So Much)

As mentioned earlier, far too many leaders think they’re being empathetic when they’re actually being sympathetic.

How can you tell if you’re exuding empathy or just drowning your people in unwanted sympathy? Consider these pressing workplace scenarios and the subtle lines between the two responses.

Overwhelmed at work

In these days of rightsizing and lean management, a lot of workers are being asked to do more with less. Leaders need to keep an eye on their people to make sure they’re not overwhelmed.

• Sympathetic response: “I know you have a lot of work on your plate right now. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that things calm down soon.”
• Empathetic response: “I know you have a lot on your plate right now. Should we sit down and talk about how to manage your workload and identify any help you might need?”
• The difference: In the first instance, the leader acknowledges the employee’s challenges, which is good. However, the empathetic response acknowledges that the employee is overwhelmed and then offers support to help the employee be more successful.

Pressure to perform

Everyone should expect some pressure to deliver top performance. But too much pressure can ultimately suffocate even the best of your employees.

• Sympathetic response: “This is a really important project, but I know you can get it done. Hang in there.”
• Empathetic response: “Just checking in to see how you’re doing with this big project, and I want you to know how much we appreciate you stepping up. Is there anything I or the organization can do to help you be successful?”
• The difference: In the sympathetic response, the manager acknowledges the obvious challenge. In the empathetic response, however, the manager provides feedback on the work to date and then offers support to ensure a successful outcome.

Pressures outside of work

Work only represents half of the experiences we have every day. Personal challenges outside the workplace can affect performance.

• Sympathetic response: “I’ve noticed that you’ve been coming in late each morning. I know you’ve probably got a lot of stuff to deal with at home, but I’m confident you can handle it.”
• Empathetic response: “After telling me about your challenges outside work, I see why you might be late occasionally. Hey, I’ve been there. I’m available to talk things through or just listen when you need it.”
• The difference: The first comment is more of an effort to rally the employee by expressing confidence that they can rise above their challenges at home. The second empathetic message shows the employee that the manager has suffered through similar challenges and can help brainstorm

Employee burnout

Global employee surveys continue to show that burnout is a real and persistent problem that can’t be ignored.

• Sympathetic response: “Wow, you’ve really been burning the candle at both ends. I hope you’re handling all the additional hours okay.”
• Empathetic response: “I’ve noticed you’ve been working a lot of long hours lately. How are you handling the additional workload? Let’s talk about how we can find the right balance between work and home.”
• The difference: When someone is overworked, perhaps edging toward burnout, having their manager acknowledge the additional work without offering any kind of solution can add anger to the work fatigue. An empathetic response always marries acknowledgement with an offer of support to alleviate the problem.

Empathy for the Tech Age

Building empathy on an organization-wide basis is tough at the best of times. It’s especially hard now, given that technology has fundamentally changed the way we interact with each other, both at work and in our personal lives.

Remote and hybrid work has put great distance between work colleagues. AI and other digital technologies seek to replace traditional human interactions, such as collaboration.

“The most obvious answer is the fact that technology—particularly social technology— physically separates us from the people we’re communicating with,” said Kaitlin Ugolik, author of The Future of Feeling: Building Empathy in a Tech-Obsessed World. “But I think it goes deeper than that—I think the psychological distance, and in some cases isolation, that comes with constant use of social technology has the potential to erode our empathy both while using those apps and while out in the world.”

The seismic impact of technology on our relationships does make building empathy a different kind of challenge, but it’s not insurmountable. All it requires is a leadership culture that, at a foundational level, cares about caring for its employees.