--- title: Hey, leader, do you want feedback from others? Act like it! description: Discover how to transform the fear of feedback into a powerful tool for leadership growth. Learn strategies to embrace criticism, foster a culture of open communication, and unlock your full potential as a leader. image: https://insights.alula.clg.com/hubfs/Executive%20getting%20unwanted%20feedback.png --- [![](https://insights.alula.clg.com/hubfs/images/logos/alula-clg-logo-1.svg)](https://alula.clg.com/) - [Home](https://alula.clg.com/) - Solutions - [Change](https://alula.clg.com/solutions/change-management) - [Leadership](https://alula.clg.com/solutions/leadership) - [Performance](https://alula.clg.com/solutions/performance) - About - [Company](https://alula.clg.com/about/company) - [Team](https://alula.clg.com/about/team) - [Insights](https://insights.alula.clg.com/blog) - [Blog](https://insights.alula.clg.com/blog) - [Resources](https://alula.clg.com/insights/resources) - [Careers](https://alula.clg.com/careers) - [Contact](https://alula.clg.com/contact) - Search - [![](https://insights.alula.clg.com/hubfs/images/logos/alula-clg-logo-white.svg)](https://alula.clg.com/) - [PH: 1.800.887.0011 (U.S. Toll-free)](tel:18008870011) - [PH: 412.269.7240](tel:4122697240) - [Directions](https://goo.gl/maps/gjzMJte7JKo) # Hey, leader, do you want feedback from others? Act like it! May 2025 | By [John Dale](https://insights.alula.clg.com/blog/author/john-dale) I paused at the door of my manager’s office, knocked gently, and then asked the question. “Can I give you some feedback?” We had just finished an important meeting with our team that didn’t go well. My manager was very frustrated during the meeting. He spent most of the time dwelling on problems without talking about what we should do differently. Very quickly, team members stopped talking and shut down. My manager nodded and waved me in. My goal was to check in to see how he was doing and to share my observations about how his behavior had affected us. However, when I started to offer my thoughts on what could have been done differently, I noticed he was grimacing. ![Executive getting unwanted feedback](https://insights.alula.clg.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Executive%20getting%20unwanted%20feedback.png?width=1920&height=1080&name=Executive%20getting%20unwanted%20feedback.png) He then looked at me and said, “I can’t believe you’re coming in here to talk about that meeting when you know I’m busy and have to race out of the office to another meeting.” (I didn’t know either of those things, by the way.) His reaction caused me to stop and ask a second question. “Do you really want me to share feedback with you?” He paused and said, “Of course I do.” I then said, “Well, help make it easier for me. Right now, I don’t feel like you want feedback.” In my years of working with senior leaders, this is one of those critical moments when they get to demonstrate how they take critical input and advice from their peers and direct reports. The best leaders not only welcome feedback but also crave it and use it to continuously improve their skills. However, not every leader is willing to accept feedback, and they show it. That’s too bad because those leaders are cutting themselves off from an extremely valuable resource. ### **Why are some leaders freaked out by feedback?** In a previous [blog post](https://insights.alula.clg.com/blog/feedback-your-leadership-super-power-and-game-changer), I offered some thoughts on how leaders can better provide effective feedback to peers and direct reports. Obviously, learning how to accept feedback is its own challenge. Why? In some organizations, the culture simply doesn’t value giving constructive feedback. If there’s any input, it’s all negative and disparaging. Individually, far too many leaders have been conditioned to tune out feedback. Sometimes, this is a reflection of an inflated ego (“Who does this person think he is to give *me* feedback?”). In other instances, leaders equate feedback with criticism—and most of us just don’t like being criticized. My theory is that many leaders rise through the ranks without being exposed to effective performance feedback. They expect that others should just work hard and do what they’re supposed to do. Many forget the mentoring and support that they received on the way up. Then, when they reach more senior roles, they become isolated. People tell them what they want to hear, not what they need to hear (and they create this situation because they don’t accept feedback very well). Many haven’t found a mentor or peer they respect and trust. Office politics can also be a factor. In organizations where leaders are routinely pitted against each other for promotions and bonuses, the idea of going to a peer or superior for advice is unfathomable. Some may even think of it as a sign of weakness that will impact their leadership career path. ### **How to find and receive feedback to become a better leader** If you’re in an organization that doesn’t traditionally share feedback, it’s up to you to find someone you trust and build a relationship with them. That way, you can receive the feedback you need to become a better leader and identify blind spots quickly. This is obviously easier said than done. However, if your organization cares about leadership culture, this creates opportunities for leadership teams to build trusting relationships. Good organizations know that trust among leaders is essential; it not only opens doors to feedback but also unleashes the collective power of collaboration. If you’re lucky enough to be offered feedback, remember that it’s your responsibility to be as open and gracious as possible. In other words, make it as easy as possible for the feedback provider. Generally speaking, it’s a bad idea to be defensive, even hostile, in the face of constructive feedback. Leaders who can’t handle feedback eventually find themselves leading in a vacuum, which becomes very lonely. And remember, you’re not obligated to do anything with the feedback. That’s your choice. If you feel someone is off base with their feedback, ask questions, provide context if needed, and above all else, be gracious. You might wonder, is there anything you absolutely shouldn’t do when receiving feedback? I only have one hard “no”: Try not to grimace in the face of feedback. ![John Dale](https://insights.alula.clg.com/hs-fs/hubfs/blog_2024hsALULA_Dale-John_1.jpg?width=100&name=blog_2024hsALULA_Dale-John_1.jpg) ### Written by [John Dale](https://insights.alula.clg.com/blog/author/john-dale) Posted in: [Behavior](https://insights.alula.clg.com/blog/topic/behavior), [Leadership](https://insights.alula.clg.com/blog/topic/leadership), [Leadership Development](https://insights.alula.clg.com/blog/topic/leadership-development) ### Conversation ### Subscribe to Email Updates ### Posts by Topic - [Leadership (120)](https://insights.alula.clg.com/blog/topic/leadership) - [Behavior (46)](https://insights.alula.clg.com/blog/topic/behavior) - [Team Culture (30)](https://insights.alula.clg.com/blog/topic/team-culture) - [Culture (26)](https://insights.alula.clg.com/blog/topic/culture) - [Communicating with Teams (25)](https://insights.alula.clg.com/blog/topic/communicating-with-teams) - [Leading Remote Teams (20)](https://insights.alula.clg.com/blog/topic/leading-remote-teams) - 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